Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Rings and Things

I used to have a ring. A pretty ring that I'd wear on my left hand. Not on the ring finger, mind you, but on my middle finger. Nobody gave it to me, or anything. I bought it at J.C. Penney for like 12 bucks. 

At first glance, guys would always think I was wearing that ring on my wedding ring finger. I got tired of people asking, "Oooh, what finger is that ring on?! Who gave it to you? Is he cute?" No. No no. I gave it to myself! Because I saw it in the store and I liked it! So I bought it. Because I could.

I just remembered this ring because I was looking through old pictures and found this one:
See that pretty ring? Well, it's kinda hard to see in this picture. But I used to wear that ring all the time. I guess it could look like a wedding ring, it's nice and shiny and stuff. But you can tell it's pretty cheap if you look up close. Anyway, point of the story is, I loved that ring. But a year ago I thought, "You know, probably as long as I have this ring I'll never get married because guys will just see something shiny on my hand and lose interest." So at an institute activity I fake-proposed to a guy I didn't even know and put my ring on his finger, and wouldn't let him give it back. I'd finally found an opportunity to rid myself of this troublesome thing. I knew if I tried just taking it off and leaving it at home somewhere it would wind up back on my finger. 

I suppose life has been different since I ditched my ring. But I doubt I can attribute any differences to absence of ring. That would've happened anyway. I think.

Why am I telling this story? I don't remember. Sometimes I do weird things. Like Monday night I stayed up on campus 'til 3 in the morning working on a recording project. And another time I took a job as an early-morning custodian when I didn't even really need a job. Whoa, I just made a weird brain thingy. A thought. So, that thing I just said about me taking a custodial job? Well, waking up early is one of my very least-favorite things to do. Like sometimes I think I could commit murder in the mornings. So that's really weird I'd take a job that required me to wake up so early. And then, get this: my other least-favorite thing is talking on the telephone. And what's my current occupation? I work at a call center. A call center! Where I have to make calls. On the phone. Silly me. Why do I do these things to myself?! It's like how I get really bad side aches when I run, but I did Cross Country all 4 years of high school. 

Let's go back to this telephone hatred of mine. It's so much easier just talking to people in person. Or texting. I like texting. But talking on the phone is painful. There's always that awkward delay so you start talking when you think they're not talking, but then they're talking at the same time. Or you can't hear what they say so you have to say, "What?" four times before you finally just pretend like you understood them. I have fun leaving voice messages, though, even if I do usually sound ridiculous in them.

People should just do what they want to. Because they want to. Or do things they don't want to do, but not 'cause someone made them. Just for fun. I mean, sure, I hate waking up early and I hate phone calls, but no one forced me into those jobs. Why feel pressured into not doing things I want to (aka the ring!), and then just choosing on my own to do things I don't want to do (like mornings and phone calls)? Silly Jilli.

I miss my ring.


Kristen said...

I think you have a subconscious desire to overcome things that are hard for you. That's fantastic!

Lynette said...

That custodial job was a double-whammy. You had to get up early in the morning AND you had to clean. Ugh. But these things build character... (And you definitely are a character! Loved reading this post!)

EpicThought said...

So basically sometimes you do things you want to do and sometimes you do things you don't want to do. Is that what you're saying?